Menopause changes a lot of things, and intimacy is often one of the first areas couples notice a shift. Maybe sex feels different, maybe desire doesn’t spark as easily, or maybe vaginal dryness makes it uncomfortable. Here’s the thing: menopause is biology, not a betrayal. When estrogen shifts, so does arousal, blood flow, and even orgasm intensity. But we've come a long way with new tools such as doctor-designed devices, specialized moisturizers, and pelvic therapies that make exploring intimacy in your new body feel just as exciting as it did in your twenties.
1. Talk to your partner - no, really talk!
One of the easiest traps during menopause is pretending nothing’s changed. Both you and your partner might avoid saying anything about changes in desire, arousal, or how often you have sex because you don’t want to “make it a big deal.” But silence can make it harder, especially with the passing of time. Talk to your partner about menopause. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your situation. If penetration feels different, if you need more foreplay, or if vaginal dryness is actually a big, reoccurring issue, share it. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and giving them clear signals turns awkwardness into teamwork. The more honest you are, the less pressure you’ll both feel, and the faster you’ll find new ways to enjoy intimacy together.
2. Make outercourse the new normal
Menopause can make penetration uncomfortable, and that’s often where couples get stuck. Penetration has never been the only way to have sexual satisfaction and orgasm. Embrace outercourse or non-penetrative intimacy as the new normal in your sex life. Think activities like oral sex, mutual masturbation, even sensual massage can makes arousal easier, and lead to great orgasms. When you treat outercourse as normal instead of “foreplay,” sex becomes more about finding what builds pleasure and less about ticking boxes or following scripts.
3. Build your intimacy toolkit
The one menopause symptoms that has the reputation for ruining intimacy is vaginal dryness. When sex starts to feel like friction instead of pleasure, it’s easy for desire to disappear. That’s why having an intimacy and vaginal toolkit is so important. Explore vaginal supplements, like vitamin E, to help hydrate vaginal tissues. While a good lubricant makes intimacy smooth and comfortable in the moment, vaginal moisturizers provide ongoing hydration and should also be used in conjunction with lubricants for vaginal dryness. For a ready-made option, the V-Hydration Relief Duo is a great moisturizer to support arousal and dryness together. Stocking these essentials means menopause symptoms don’t have to stand in the way of intimacy.
4. Bring arousal-enhancers to the bedroom
Menopause can make it harder for the body to respond the way it used to. With hormone declines, blood flow slows, arousal takes longer, and natural lubrication doesn’t always show up when you want it. That doesn’t mean desire is gone, it just means your body might need a boost. Arousal enhancers can help bridge the gap, like vibrators. Doctors even recommend the vibrators Legato and Crescendo 2 because they have been shown in published studies to increase arousal and natural lubrication – not to mention they feel really good, so win/win. These menopause friendly vibrators don’t just add novelty, they increase stimulation and genital responsiveness to make intimacy feel good again. You can also explore topical arousal enhancers, like Foria’s arousal oil, which is used externally to heighten sensitivity in combination with doctor-designed vibrators.
5. Experiment more than ever
What worked before menopause may not always work now, and that’s okay. This stage of life is a chance to experiment and find what feels good for your body. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing sex positions, certain angles can ease pelvic pressure or make penetration feel more comfortable. Beyond positions, try sex games for couples, scheduling sex so you can prepare mentally and physically, or introducing new ways to connect like creative roleplay. Think of this exploration like checking off all the things you’ve been curious about – the ultimate sex bucket list. The more you try, the more likely you’ll discover new favorites together.
6. Support desire with healthy habits
Stress, poor sleep, and low energy can all make intimacy feel like a chore instead of something you look forward to. Your body and mind respond best when they’re cared for – and small changes make a big difference. Instead of treating healthy lifestyle changes as something separate from your relationship, weave them into your time together. Exercise together and go for morning runs side by side, take evening walks, or join a yoga class that supports mobility and relaxation. These shared habits don’t just boost circulation, energy, and mood, they also build connection outside the bedroom. When you feel healthier and more in sync, intimacy flows more easily, and sex feels less like effort and more like a natural extension of your bond.
7. Explore hormone therapy options
For some women, lifestyle changes, lubricants, and arousal aids aren’t always enough to ease every symptom of menopause. If dryness, discomfort, or a dip in desire still gets in the way of intimacy, it may be worth talking to your doctor about hormone therapy. Options like low-dose vaginal estrogen, DHEA, or systemic hormone replacement can help restore balance and make sex more comfortable. The key is finding what works for your body - and that starts with an open conversation with a healthcare professional. Hormone therapy isn’t the answer for everyone, but when it’s right, it can bring back comfort and make intimacy feel natural again.
8. Prioritize emotional intimacy
When we think about intimacy, it’s easy to focus on the physical side, but the emotional connection is just as important, and often shapes how the physical feels. During menopause, when your body may be changing in unexpected ways, that emotional bond can make all the difference. Improving emotional intimacy often leads to a more satisfying sex life because feeling close, safe, and cared for makes it easier to want and enjoy intimacy. Build that closeness through small daily moments: share a long hug, hold hands, kiss without rushing, or open up about what you’re feeling. Emotional intimacy doesn’t replace sex, it deepens it - creating trust and connection that naturally carry over into the bedroom.
Takeaway
Menopause may change how your body responds, but it doesn’t have to take intimacy off the table. By bringing libido boosters to the bedroom, adopting healthy lifestyle habits, and getting creative, sex can remain an exciting part of your relationship. For the women that want to keep pleasure at the center of intimacy, explore the best vibrators to enhance pleasure during menopause.
